While I Was Gone
by MadaSasu
Summary: Itachi left Sasuke a long time ago to go to collage, But what happens when he comes back to the city to find sasuke as a drug dealing self abusive mobster with his crazy uncle as a lover/Leader of infamous gang. Itasasu madasasu M for drugs and yaoi,theme
1. Chapter 1

I'm writing so much, am I not. Don't tell my teachers I have been sneaking my laptop into my middle school I'm in 8th grade by the way that I have been typing these stories during lunch in the girls bathroom lol

Sasuke: Omg your like the same age as me when I was still in team 7 like 13!!!!

Itachi: I still think she's hot…

Me: Thank you Itachi-kun…

Sasuke: My brother is turning into Orochimaru but instead likes little girls ahhhh

Itachi: no…..! I like little boys too…

Both:………..

"**While I was gone…"**

Chapter one

3rd person POV

Five men circled a poker table all with black sunglasses on. Sitting next to each man a huge pile of poker chips lay with slabs of money on the side.

One greedy man smiled.

"I got 4 kings…"

Another snake like man raised his hand…

"I got a pair of tensssssss…"

He said with the lisp of a hungry snake.

Another man, with a silver gun next to his pile of chips slammed his cards onto the table swearing unheard words to him self.

The tallest one with afro like spiky hair folded…

The greedy man grinned.

"What can nobody beat me?"

He reached in to grab the poker chips till a knife went right between the crack of his middle and ring finger. Very lucky it did not go through a digit or two.

The big hair man chuckled.

"Sasuke did not show his cards yet…"He said in a husky tone.

The engraved diamond switchblade was removed from in between the greedy mans fingers.

Sasuke, who put his glistening knife back into his pocket, through his poker cards onto the table.

The reptile like mad man chuckled.

"Sasukeeee, hasss, all four acessssss…"

The greedy man jumped up from his seat.

"That's impossible!! The kid must have cheated!!"

A pair of sunglasses flew off the voracious man and his attacker.

The diamond switchblade laid its self on the man's throat.

"I would not accuse me of cheating Kakazu… Somebody might take those stitches right out of your face…"

Kakazu stiffened.

"Sasuke, no matter how much I would love to see that, Kakazu still is needed in our community… He keeps the funds flowing into the city…" The tall black haired gentleman spoke with amusement.

"Are you sure uncle Madara? Because if not I would willingly carve his throat open for you…"

Madara smirked.

"Yes Sasuke, I am sure."

With one swift movement the boy, Sasuke, stood next to his also black haired uncle.

The man with the silver firearm scowled.

"Kakazu, I think we should be leaving, after all the treaty between are gangs runs too freakin thin, and I want to start patching it up before you get fucked up, you damn rag doll…"

"Fine Hidan…" The two gang lords walked out of the room leaving three left.

"Sasuke I think it's time to leave, collect the cash and let's go…"

The reptile like man turned to Madara.

"Ssso Lord Madara, that wassss fun. When do you and your boy plan on meeting up with ussss again. It'ssssss always a pleasurrrre to have you two come to my casssino…"

"We will see each other again very soon Orochimaru, after all, your casino in the best in the city, and the most confidential…"

Orochimaru got the signal. Nobody was to know that they all had met here. Or Orochimaru would end up lifeless in a drain some place.

"I got the cash uncle. Can we leave now? I do like snakes but this one has ghastly breath."

Orochimaru's eyes narrowed at the boy.

Madara just laughed.

"Of course my darling, of course…"

The two family members left leaving one frustrated pedophile Lord Voldemort alone to decay in his own rage.

Itachi's POV

After all this time I am at last going back home. A couple years ago I had moved to a far away city to study in psychology and also have a major in English too. Once I get settled in I can find my little brother in the phonebook and see how he is doing. He is about 16 now and I'm sure his foster parents would be nice enough to let me visit him. The last time I saw his foster parents they looked really kind and loving. I bet Sasuke grew up to be a nice handsome young man.

I drove into my new apartment and carried a heavy box with my most prized possessions up the stairs. I grabbed the key out of my right pocket carefully trying not to trip and opened the door.

I placed my box onto the wooden table and walked over to the phone.

"Ok, now where is that phonebook?"

I searched through my box and pulled out a recent phonebook and flipped through the pages…

I didn't find Sasuke's step-parents name's in it but thought maybe Sasuke might have been sent to a nice boarding school and had his own phone in the phonebook.

I looked all through the phone book and found something strange.

I flipped the phonebook upside down and saw it.

It was Sasuke's name spelled backwards with our old last name. Since when Sasuke was adopted his parents changed his last name to there last name.

Ahihcu Ekusas…

For once my dyslexia pays off…

Turn it around and it spell's Sasuke Uchiha…

I looked at the number.

It was a cell phone number.

Not one could remember so easily.

O well I will be calling him more often now that I'm back so I will memorize it sooner or later.

I picked up the phone and dialed the number waiting to here my little brother's voice.

Sasuke's POV

My phone started ringing. I wasn't surprised because I was supposed to receive the info on the drug transport.

I picked up the phone quickly.

"Listen here Deidara, if I hear any bad news about the drugs I'm going to slice open your head to find out what kind of crack went into your pitiful skull…"I said angrily.

"_Sasuke…"_

That was absolutely not Deidara's voice…

"Is this some kind of trick crack head cuz' tis' ain't funny no more…"

"_Sasuke, this is Itachi what is going on…"_

I quickly made up an excuse.

"O Itachi, I was not talking to you, and it's nice to hear from you… I'm talking to my pharmacist friend Deidara. He is so stupid. I have to get some kind of drug for my step-mom and Deidara is finding it funny that I need them really badly because they are pain-killers for her, and he's just standing there like an ass looking down like he's at a funeral!"

I heard Itachi pause before he came up with a reply.

"_Ok Sasuke, just don't kill him. Can you meet me at the corner of Albeny street and Mactores street?"_

"Umm sure. When?"

"_In like 20 minutes, I really don't want to wait to see you…"_

"Sure thing…"

"_Bye…"_

"Bye…"

"_I love you…"_

"See ya Itachi…"

I hung up the phone and looked at Madara who was sitting beside me in the limo.

"Well?" I said waiting for Madara to make a comment.

"He's no threat; just don't let him get into your life again…"

"Ok."

I turned to the driver and grabbed my gun that sat in the side pocket just in case and told him to drop me off at the corner.

I jump out of the care giving Madara a kiss on the cheek and started walking towards Itachi's location.

Itachi POV

I stood there waiting under the street light for Sasuke. I could tell he lie's a lot and could make a lot of people believe him, except I have a major in the human mind and the way people speak… He talked to fast to not be faking and the way he said drugs was with seriousness. He meant what he said and tried to get around it when he heard me. He was expecting somebody else to call and that was the person involved in sending him the drugs from what I heard.

I felt so numb. Because the Sasuke I knew was unquestionably gone.

He sounded as if he hated the world. Not the shy kid brother I loved.


	2. Chapter 2

Hello everyone I have made up my mind and I really like writing this so I am going to give it a try. I have just started reading the book "War and Peace" and yes I'm reading this at my own will lol the author Leo Tolstoy is great to.

Sasuke: *hides behind me."

Me: "What's wrong now Sasuke?"

Sasuke: "H-hiding…."

Me: "From who??"

Sasuke: Madara said he wanted to say hi to me so of course I go but then I found him and Itachi doing something…"

Me: REALY?!?!?

Sasuke: Ya…

Itachi comes in.

Madara comes in.

Me: "So what have you guys been doing…"

Itachi: Something…

Madara: We had so much fun!!!

Sasuke: SEEE!!!!

Itachi: Waaa???

Me: So what have you guys been doing?

Madara: Scrabble!!!!

Sasuke: Ahhhh the horror of words!!!

Me: just walks away. "Hmp I wanted Uchiha crest…"

Chapter 2

Itachi POV

I waited for my little brother with only an ounce of patience left.

It was tearing me apart that he was late. Sure only by 2 minutes but still what if he is smoking pot or something.

I never wanted this to happen. I was going to get to the bottom of this.

I heard footsteps from around the corner. I walked up to see who it was and saw what I hoped was not my little brother.

A tall adolescent with dark black long hair started walking over to me. His orbs looked somewhat bloodshot and with a suit that made me think he could own a whole company with his tie slightly lose. A thin pink scar ran down to his lower lip to his chin like somebody had slit his mouth open. His dark black eyes, a shade of pale left him with no emotion. His walk showed dominance and his stance showed lethal danger that surrounded him in almost an aura. This boy was not a teenager, but a deadly criminal.

"Itachi? Is that you big brother?" His voice was like a blade smooth but profound.

"I should be asking that to you Sasuke…" I sounded almost dim-witted compared to his tone.

"Haha, Itachi, your wrinkles have grown I see…" He gave an almost invisible smirk.

"Maybe so, but you got taller, not that same little boy I used to give piggyback rides…" Sasuke's voice sounded so different on the phone, not as frantic; more evidence that he was lying.

"Well I was not going to get shorter Itachi."

"Of course, will you accompany me to my new house little brother, I would love to have dinner with you."

"Fine by me…"

I walked over and grabbed his hand counting his natural pulse while doing it. I wanted to know at what speed it was when he was lying and when he was telling the truth. I am way too nosy…

I gave him a quick hug and saw Sasuke pull his hand from mine. That's when I saw burn marks.

I pulled him in to my house and hurried in with him and pushed him down into a wooden chair.

He still was quiet.

Time for the first test.

I picked up to beer and set them down onto the table.

"Would you like one brother…?"

I opened up mine and took a drink of it watching him.

Then I realized my mistake, teenagers are definitely not that stupid to fall for that.

"Very funny Itachi… You know I am only 16…"

I smiled trying not to let my mistake show.

"Of course, what would you like to drink Sasuke?"

"Water, please, brother…"

I picked up the beer and put it back into the fridge.

After that I picked up a clean glass and filled it with water and handed it to Sasuke.

"So Sasuke how is school?"

Sasuke took a sip of his water slowly as if thinking for a good answer but he just settled with "Good."

"I looked your parent's number in the phonebook but I could not find it. But then I saw your name spelled backward in it, what is up with that…?"

Sasuke didn't seem to have a huge book of excuses in his head and was trying to answer quickly so it didn't seem to infer that he was lying.

"Well, my friends and I thought it would be funny and then they would be the only ones that knew my phone number. And for my parent's phone number not being there, well, my mom said they she didn't want to put in there so prank callers could not call them."

I had to stop myself from shaking my head. Sasuke told me that his mom was really sick and this phonebook was just published yesterday. So how would she be able to say that? Get you stories straight little brother.

"Sasuke you know you can tell me anything…"

I saw a twitch mar his pale detached face.

"Itachi, I hope you're kidding. Do you really think I could trust you like before when I hardly even know you…?"

I had to fight the urging to cry. I know that it's pathetic, but that's how much those few words hurt me.

"Sasuke, you knew I had to go to collage…"

Sasuke quickly retaliated.

"That's not the point Itachi! You left me with two strangers all by myself!!"

"Please Sasuke calm down, it was wrong, but if you want you can move back in with me…"

As soon as Sasuke realized he had yelled he closed himself off again.

"No, I'm sorry for yelling at you…"

"It's ok Sasuke…"

Sasuke looked at the door and then back at me.

"I think I'm going to leave, I'm just going to get some take-out…"

Sasuke went to walk to the door but I grabbed his hand.

"Sasuke, please just let me walk you half way at least…"

"Fine…'

I grabbed my jacket and walked out the door with my small, in my opinion, fragile but daunting younger brother.

We were walking down an ally alone and to me it was crazy, but Sasuke didn't look worried one bit.

Half way through the ally a small gang came out with some pipes and a couple triggers…

I stopped walking but Sasuke kept going.

"Come Itachi…" He spoke with his spiteful voice.

I walked close to him till I felt a pipe hit the back of my head and fell to the ground.

I put my hand on my head feeling the sticky red liquid come from my head. I wonder how many brain cells I just lost from that…

I looked up to see Sasuke glare and scowl at the men and reach for his pocket.

"Sasuke…"

"It's ok Itachi just look away…"

I couldn't even if I tried.

Sasuke pulled out a brand new handgun with our old family symbol hand carved into the base of the gun.

Red light flashed in front of me from probably the most expensive explosive gun powder in the whole world.

I heard screams of pain and saw blood splash onto the grey brick walls around us.

I looked over only to find 4 dead corpses' with bullets in there heads and one man rolling around in pain from being hit in his shoulder. His cry's quickly ended when Sasuke shot him again…

I laid there on the ground in shock. I never thought I would encounter such insanity from my little brother or anyone in a sane state of mind.

"Are you ok?"

I couldn't move, I swore I was paralyzed.

"Sasuke, what did you just do?!?!?"

"I just killed a guy who hurt you numb-skull…" He said raising an eyebrow.

"That was no reason to kill them, you idiot, I could have been fine on my own without you shooting them!!"

"Hmp, well I'd like to see you do something about it, you would probably let them kill you…"

Sasuke started walking away lighting a cigarette as he walked.

I got up and ran after my insane little brother.

"Where do you think your going…?"

"Going home…"

"Hell no! You're going to report this to the police!!"

I heard Sasuke crack his slender fingers as he turned around and the next thing I knew I had a fist in my face.

Kabpow!!!

When I woke up this morning I was wondering where I was, and then I saw the grease stains on the horribly painted walls and the family photos scattered through out the room. My house. Then it finally clicked into me like trigger on a gun what had happened last night. Then I glanced over and looked straight over to my little brother sitting on the couch multitasking, sharpening his silver knife and watching the game on TV at the same time. I quickly turned around bright faced ready to yell at him till I was interrupted by his bored but smooth voice.

"You hungry…"

I just said yes, I was actually starving; I was the most horrible cook I'm surprised I could make eggs.

Those pitch black eyes like a puppy's but still as hard as a stone; they remind you of tar that was sleek and shining on a cold winter's day. You could not help but to say yes to every thing that came out of his perfectly fine pink lips.

He went into my icky dusty kitchen since I usually feast on fast-food I never bothered to clean it since I got here, and actually came out with an appetizing meal like in a restaurant, like mom used to make.

I stared at the plate looking down when he put it in front of me.

"Are you going to eat? I just made that for you after all nii-san…" Sasuke said with no humor.

Of course, I looked up to him stuttering like I was a little kid who just got his pants pulled down front of a whole class.

"Sorry…"

He looked he looked at me with disgust and went back to his seat picking up that deadly knife again.

I started eating afraid like a little baby wondering if my little brother would really hurt me…

When I was done I quickly went over and sat on the same couch keeping my distance from him ready to bombard him with questions.

But suddenly he just looked at me and pulled out his gun.

"Don't ask anything; just enjoy this while you can, because as soon as you feel better, I'm gone…"

"What do you mean?" I asked trying not to look into his eyes or at the deadly gun pointed at my head.

"GONE…" he repeated

Like a child he turned back to the TV with his arms crossed gun now pointing at his own leg. So childish but very threatening.

"You're going to hurt yourself Sasuke, you are pushing fate pointing that thing at your leg already…"

Sasuke looked at me pouting cutely but I could admit he's not a child anymore after all he just killed 5 men.

Sasuke unknowingly got up to go to the bathroom forgetting his finger was on the trigger and tripped. That same accursed sound blew through my ears and Sasuke's cries were heard. I thought of the young little Sasuke, the one who was bullied, the one who cried on his birthday, the one who smiled everyday unless he was pouting, It's like somebody replaced my beautiful little brother with some horrible teenage villain who killed without a second thought… This is not my little brother, because if it is, it's my entire fault.

I left him alone with strangers at 7 after are parents were killed by a well known gangster, and I almost forgot about him during my schooling and made him into this man, a man without a smile, and the only thing he showed now was a detached smirk.

I got up slowly picking up my once threatening brother and placed him on the couch. No tears fell down his perfectly molded face.

Only hisses of pain flew through his fine drawn lips. He looked like he wanted to cry but felt like he couldn't shed a tear, his eyes wear dry.

I took his weakened body to my advantage and grabbed the gun and put its safety on and shoved it into a drawer. I walked back over to Sasuke and pulled the switchblade out from his belt. I stuck that also into a drawer and closed it with a lock.

I started taking off Sasuke's shirt. I needed to strip him of all these damn weapons even if I had to strip him.

I through it off to find a bulletproof vest and a small blade tucked into it. I whipped off the heavy vest trying not to cry as I did. A 16 year old should never have to do this to keep himself safe. So many weapons on somebody who used to be so innocent. The little boy I loved with all my heart, turned, turned into a cold-hearted scared teenager who has never cried since he was 7. How could this happen to my lovable younger brother. My prized obsession. My little brother.

When I was done removing the vest, I turned away. So many scars covered his pale chest one in specific over his heart. Also hickie's laid themselves over his neck and chest. I moved down to his pants and quickly through them off. One last blade was attached to the side of his thin pale muscled leg. I grabbed it and through it across he room. I walked away from Sasuke to get the bandages and disinfectant. He struggled to get up to receive his weapons only in his black tight boxers, but fell onto the cold hard floor.

I went back over to him and picked him up and lifted him to my bedroom. I gently laid him down on my bed.

As I wrapped up his bandages I wondered what thing could drive a boy into this. I am positive Sasuke could not acquire these weapons on his own. When I put the sheets over him he seemed delirious from his blunt stunt. But out of everything that had broken my heart that day, it was the deep cuts that when up his whole arm and how fresh cut were right next to the forbidden vein that could end his life.

I'm so sorry Sasuke, my beautiful kid brother, my fixation, my delight, and my life, who or what made you turn out like this? Was it me? If it is, I will happily give that gun back to you so maybe you could end my life. If it's me please kill me…


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Itachi POV

It was late 5:00am when I heard rustling at this hour and a drawer trying to be slammed opened but the person just left it there with a sigh, the sound moved to the door and he was gone.

Just as fast as a desperate teenager who was running away from his abusive parents. In this case the abusive parent was me… God, I feel like crap…

I ran to the front door seeing he left not a trace of where he went. Finality I realized what happened and ran for my car. I had to find him…

Sasuke POV

I ran into the ghetto side of the city halting when I got to the hidden apartment mixed in with all the shity buildings that needed to bee torn down. My leg was killing me, but after Madara's temper tantrum he would help me. Perfect place to hide when everyone's afraid of you, and wouldn't dare tell a cop unless they had a death wish.

I ran into the apartment limping from the bullet still inside my leg. No matter how many times I have had wanted to runway away forever, and away from this place, I always came back. Why? I don't know, they would find me anyways.

As I was about to open the door it flew open revealing my pissed off uncle, that pretty much waited for me to come close enough to the door to scare the living the living shit out of me.

I was immediately tried to runaway from the angered man but he grabbed the back of my neck like you would do to an annoying cat and shoved me into the better looking on the inside apartment.

I was dead.

As he through me down to the ground he put his face so close to mine it was like he was going to bite my face off. His breath smelled of pot and cocaine. His grip was iron and his eyes were cold. Bags and lines from stress replaced his usual calm features.

"Were wear you? You fucking had me pacing!"

"I shot myself…"

He held onto me tighter. Most of the time he would just thank Kami that I was home but when he had his drugs he got a little violent and horny. I knew from experience…

"O really, and what did you do with your faggot brother??"

I got kind of offended by that, and felt like I had to defend him but instead went into explaining mode.

"Nothing, he just took me in and I ate dinner with him, then I left when he was sleeping. I shot myself after threatening him not to tell anyone about the fake ID I had with me…"

I didn't know why I lied. I felt like I was protecting Itachi. If he knew Itachi had found out so much he would most likely kill him. I just, I just got him back! Even if he saw me kill some people, he still would accept me… Right?

"Get in my bedroom. I forgive you but don't let it happen again Suke…"

I bowed my head and smiled a little bit. I thought of how Madara changed my life so much. I will never know why I still feel like somebody is going to hit me every time I come home. Madara changed the way I lived and took care of me. He did care. If he didn't, then he would have not killed those people.

That woman that called herself my mother and then stuck me in a basement every night… She did not care. Madara let me sleep with him every night when I had a nightmare, or when I just felt like it.

He never scolded me when I told him I had a crush on him, he held me tight. He took care of me. He loved me when Itachi left. I trust Madara's decisions. Every single one of them. I trust Madara…

"I said get to my bedroom Sasuke Uchiha…I think we both should sort out this mess…" Madara smiled at me. The apple of his cheeks always hit his eyes. His beautiful orbs always looked at me right back, staring into my essence. He face left no flaws when he smiled. He was perfect and I could not find one reason why I felt like I wanted to runaway before. His smirk always melts away my worries. It was the only thing keeping me from going to far…

I was about to walk to his bedroom till I tripped to the floor and hissed in pain. Damn bullet!!

"Sorry Madara, I think the bullet is too deep to ignore…" I gave him a small grin.

"Shit, I thought you were kidding you stupid child! Didn't I teach you to keep the safety on when you were threatening somebody!!!?"

Madara glided over to me and picked me up off the ground. The pot and cocaine still came from his breath. But I did not care I was used to it. At least it was me who came to him late, not one of those pathetic excuses for a mobster. He would have there blood splattered all over of the walls with his brand new heater. [A/N It means gun to all you stupid idiots who thought he was going to throw a heater at somebody.]

He seemed to care when I was hurt. He loved me. So I was going to love him back.

"Madara put me down in your bedroom… I can handle it for a few hours while we busy ourselves with something more proactive…"

He gave me that famous Uchiha smirk.

"You're so sexy and educated… But not smart enough to realize that you hurt yourself badly…"

Madara leaned down and kissed me. His pale pink lips that matched my own planted themselves on mine and moved rhythmically to my breaths. He held me tight as he kissed me. His left hand pulled up my shirt. I felt his soft digits pinch my pink bud and squeeze, I moaned loudly. He took advantage of that by sticking his pink organ into my moist mouth. Our tongues fought for dominance but after he won they just teased. I twisted my tongue around his making him shudder. I grew talented at this the first time I tried. Kissing was always my talent.

He slowly left my lips panting for breath.

"Sasuke let me take that bullet out from your leg first. I know what pain you're in because I was the one who bought you those silver tipped explosive bullets. I'm just surprised you bone wasn't blown up…"

He sat me down in a chair and got to work on my leg. I didn't know why but my mind started to drift off. Itachi? Do you still care about me? Or were you just acting? Because I really hope you won't leave me this time…

-----------------------------------------------------

A/N Hey guys that was just a teaser, but I was going to write something epic, but my best friend said my idea sucked so I had to change it. Don't worry more will come and it will be very much filled with surprises.

NEXT TIME: Sasuke's problem…


	4. Chapter 4

Sasuke's Problem

Warning: Rated M for drugs, major and horrible child abuse, and gore that leads to major self harm.

Don't read if you can't stand this and have a weak stomach and kids don't tell your parents you read this.

Sorry that I haven't updated in a while!!! I was stuck in a place that was not very pleasant. Worse than being with grandma on Christmas.

* * *

READ THE WARNING AND READ AT OWN RISK!

I got up after Madara fixed up my leg. I felt those thoughts going through my head.

Why am I alive? Why does Madara even care? I'm worthless. I'm empty…

I hated this. I hated the fact that I could not enjoy my life. I bent down and kissed Madara on the forehead.

"Madara, I'm tired can I go to bed?" I asked giving a fake yawn.

"Of course my love, of course…" I got up still limping and went to my room. As soon at I reached it I searched through my black painted draws. I picked up a razor that I hid in my sock and turned it to the side see that it was almost perfectly sharpened. It was long and slender, but to me it's not enough for tonight. I walked over into my bathroom and over to the sink. I looked down at my already scared and burned wrist and thought or what it meant when I do this.

I cut once.

One, for the pain.

Again.

Two, for the loneliness.

Then again deeper.

Three, for my step-father.

Even deeper.

Four, for my step-mother.

I see blood.

Five, for the abuse.

It hurt so much.

Six, for my parent's death.

They were gone from the beginning.

Seven, for Itachi leaving me.

He never cared.

Eight, for a failed suicide.

I laughed at the fact.

Nine, for my godforsaken life!

I don't want it!

And ten, for the emptiness that wont go away…

It never will, it is maddening.

I look down at my pale wrist. The red liquid poured from my veins. Each cut went deeper and deeper. The last one was the deepest. Blood like a river poured into the sink. It's not enough. No it's never enough. I can go further.

I opened the cupboard under the sink and pulled out a saw-like knife. It was not that long but it would do. I couldn't stand it. I didn't feel alive… I grabbed my shirt and through it over my head and onto the floor. I held the knife in my hand and put it to my back and pulled as the blissful pain ran through my body.

I looked at my chest. At the puffed up scars ran down my body giving it a bad boy appearance.

The wars I fought. The wars I won. A couple streams of blood ran down it. Nobody knew the difference between battle wounds and self inflicted wounds. I liked it that way.

I washed the blood stained knife and put it back were it came from. The emptiness started to fade away…

But then in that instance I hated everyone in my life, everyone and everything, and me most of all. I saw how weak I was, I saw what I did just to find an ounce of happiness. I was pathetic. I was broken. Reality hit me… The recognition kicked in. I looked down and saw drips of blood hit the floor.

I couldn't help it. It was something I needed. I was weak. I couldn't even stand one damn feeling. I was worthless!

I looked up.

But when I looked into the mirror I saw that I was smiling, the tears went down my face. The sick enjoyment was there. The pleasure of pain spoke to me. It told me to do it again.

I hated myself.

I'm doing it to myself, that's why it really hurts to see it.

I slammed my hands onto the counter.

I took off all my clothes and turned on the shower. Blood still dripping from my cuts. Self-mutilation controlled me and I was helpless. I was feeble, I was stupid!

I walked into the shower. The water burning the cuts and washing away the blood. I looked up, water streaming down my face.

[_Flashback_]

_A little boy sat in the corner water dripping on his face from a nearby pipe. He was cowering. Shivering from the freezing coldness of the cellar. A door was open and slammed closed._

_The 7 year old boy looked up crying. _

"_You!! Get over here now!"_

_The little raven moved his head back and forth. He sobbed as tears streamed down his face._

"_You little idiot! Sasuke I will say this one more time! Get over here!"_

_The boy just sobbed louder holding himself tighter._

"_That's it!"_

_The man walked over to the child and grabbed him by the back of the neck and scraped him as he pulled him while he walked._

"_Please Dad!"_

_The man paid no attention to him as he through him onto a work table and grabbed some rope to tie him down._

"_You should be grateful you disgrace! That I even give you some food every 2 weeks! You made noise when visitors came! Now you're going to be punished!"_

_The poor little boy cried his eyes out as he begged his step-father not to hurt him._

"_I had a nightmare so I screamed!"_

_The man punched the child so hard blood came from the boys' mouth. The older man placed metal nails on his fingers obviously home-made. He gave a sadistic smile as he pulled the rusted nails along the boys' chest as the young one screamed bloody murder._

_The deepest puncture was around the boys' heart…_

_The last thing he could remember was a blistering iron rod being pulled down his wrist leave an eternal scar that would never go away…_

_When the punishment was done the soft word of the child was a memory to be never forgotten._

"_One day, I'm going to kill you…"_

_[End flash back]_

I snapped out of it when I realize I spent almost an hour in the shower just standing there.

I turned off the shower and stepped out drying my now clean scars. I felt somewhat better. But fear still ran through me. It was normal for me to feel scared after those thoughts. It was like a nightmare that never seemed to end.

I bent down and grabbed another towel and started to wipe up the blood. When I was done I sighed. I could never control myself. But when I was done sobbing, I felt better. No matter how weird it seemed it stopped my thoughts. It was the pain, the pain comforted me, because it was all I even known. It was there when others weren't. It gave me a smile on my face even though I was not happy. It defied the bounds of life and it showed me that I was alive. And for that, I turned to it whenever I needed comfort. It was addicting.

I walked out my room with a towel around my waist. I sat on the bed and opened the drawer and took a case of pills out. I grabbed ten and swallowed them all down one by one with the water by my bed. I lay down and waited for them to kick in.

Maybe I should have hated Itachi for leaving me there, but the truth is, he was the only hope I had. I loved him…

Even if he didn't love me…

Sorry that it was so late everyone!! I was too busy with everything in my life! God! I love you all and please keep reading my story even though its getting a little bit gory.

THANK YOU REVIEW AND RATE!!!!


	5. AN

I'mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm bbbbbbbacccccccccccccccckkkk kkkkkk! After a few years! I already updated 'Love is My Weapon' but I need your help to decided what to update next! Pick a story then send me a PM with the name! 3 I can't believe I haven't done this in years. I will try my first person writing again but now that years have passed I have gotten into 3rd person! So you will be seeing more of that in the stories now! Also if you have and questions and comments you really want me to reply to just shoot me another PM! I'd love to talk to ya! I get lonely! *Cries over keyboard*

Though Fanfiction is my life, I do have an education to keep up with so I don't think I can update ALL of them EVERYDAY like I used to. I will pick select ones that I might make a chapter to every other day or MAYBE everyday. Just because homework can't always keep me interested. XDDDD

So SEND ME A PM WITH WHICH YOU WANT ME TO UPDATE AND THE FIRST PM I GET WILL BE THE FIRST STORY I UPDATE!

Love,

MadaSasu


	6. Chapter 5

Again… the dreams haunted me… once more tears stream down my face. The drugs only help to an extent… the addiction won't go away. Everything that ever caused a tear to trickle down my cheek, I run away and hide from it. But now, everything is unwinding and finding its way back towards me like it does every damn night. And I don't know what to do. I just know that pain I felt so long ago; it's hurting ten times more.

I know people think it's just all in my mind… but it's not. I can feel it! I can feel it in my body! Don't they get it? I FEEL numb. It's like after you get a really bad injury! It hurts in the moment but then it gets to a point where there is nothing… the limb becomes a phantom. It throbs inside your heart but you need to do anything you can to make it feel like it's still there…

I didn't want to but I gave into my body's desire. I opened my red blood shot eyes after a sleep that shouldn't even be considered anything having to do with 'rest'. All I could think about was the pain… the delicious pain that let me know my body was still here…

It's like when you wake up you don't know what is coming when your eyes open. Are you going to see the eyes of the devil? The depression that follows you like a shadow? Or maybe the brother that was never there… it doesn't matter though… nothing matters because the only thing you can do is open your eyes and bear witness to the hell that is to come that day…

Like usual when my feet hit the cold floor I just wanted to savor the feeling. I managed to will myself to my feet and stroll into the bathroom to look at my new wounds. Pitiful. I was truly losing my touch. After a few minutes I stitched up my cuts and it took all that time to realize, oh hey, my legs hurts like fuck.

Stupid Itachi and his stupid goody toe shoes shit… stupid gun safety… stupid…EVERYTHING!

I grunted moving to my closet once out of my bathroom. I found a nice suit and jumped into it not bothering to do my own tie since even after all this time; I still had no idea how to do it. That was Madara's job.

Once I arrived in the kitchen I quickly made my way over to the table where a drugged up Madara had his head planted. "Love? Are you okay?" I placed a gentle hand on his bulky shoulder and shook him. When he didn't budge I put my fingers to his neck and over his pulse. When I felt one I quickly let myself relax. I moved over to the sink and filled up a tan coffee cup with some cold water. "You realllyyyyy areee going to make me do this aren't you?"

No sound came from the elder.

"Yup. You are."

With a large grunt I splashed the cup of water down his shirt making the drugged man fall out of the chair holding his head. "Saaaaassssssssuuuukkkeeeeeee ! I was havvvinngg wonderful dream of fucking you over this table…" I gave a large blush and smacked the dripping wet man as he tried to tackle me in a hug. "MADAAAA! I JUST GOT DRESSSEDDD!"

"Well how about you get undressed and bend over the table?" I scuffled over to the sprayer in the sink and as I turned on the water I aimed and drenched the long haired Uchiha even more. Madara fell back holding his stomach from laughter as even I could barely breathe as he looked like a wet rag. "Sasuke, I swear you bring out too much of a child in me! And I swear even more that the maid hates you!"

I gave a smiled and threw a dry washcloth at him. "Dry your hands and help me with my tie!"

He jumped up without protest and did my tie for me but once done pulled it so I locked lips with him. "You are so sexy… I'd rather you be the wet one…" I nibbled on his bottom lip to shut him up. "Well I'd rather feel your thick cock in me in the shower where we are BOTH wet." Madara licked his lips and made sure he gave me a more than passionate kiss before letting me free.

He wandered over to a line of cocaine and before he could take his daily dose I pulled him back. "No… When I saw you this morning I had to check your pulse. Wait till the afternoon. If you don't then I will deny you sex for a month." Madara groaned and licked his lips before putting the white substance back in it bag clearly pouting.

"I'm going out to check on the supply. Be good. I will know if there is any coke missing… trust me." I threatened.

I took my leave from the house and decided to walk rather than take the limo. I mean I am kinda sick of acting like a billionair when all I care for is just living the simple life with Madara. The man who saved my ass so many time. My father, my uncle, and my lover all at the same time.

I mean incest is wrong. But who gives a flying fuck? I sure don't or I wouldn't let my uncle lay me nearly every night. If it was his choice it would be every hour. Though I would be very happy with being able to MOVE. He isn't that gentle in bed. He had his fetishes. Some I had to beat out of him.

I shivered at the thought of a few.

Madara was damn attractive! His pale but untouched skin (except from the scars which I considered to be natural), his delicious lips that tasted like spicy heaven… ugh I could taste it even when the pink lines were absent. His most important asset in bed… something to die for believe me… and even his personality was attractive. He was dominating, protective, strong-willed, and violent… but at the same time he was caring and loving. He didn't like to show the latter in front of others though… but if you were to check out all the names of anon donations to ever 100 charities… his name would be under them.

Madara Uchiha was a drug lord, he was a real gangster. Not those ones with their pants hanging below their ankles or with metal teeth and a lisp… but something like Whitey! A Mobster! Old fashioned and a badass for sure. Though he sure as hell had morals. He was a man of crime, yes, but some crimes he would take his silver heater point and shoot his priceless gun powder and listen to the screams as if they were a piece written by Mozart!

Child abusers, rapists, and abusive men who hit their wives or lover or even just family! They got under his skin. He had no family left when he little brother committed suicide with Madara's gun… The man killed his parents for his brothers' suicide. They were abusive and cruel. Then all that was left was my mother. Mikoto Uchiha who was Madara's sister. The spiky haired druggie loved her with all his heart and thought Fugaku was a good man. One that would love and protect his little sister from anything. His uncle made sure of it.

I remembered my mom of course… her gentle but always excited voice, her lovely and beautiful expressions… how she took care of everyone she saw and would nag her brother often about his use of drugs but never wanted to upset him. Madara quit all but pot and cocaine because of her and he was slowly working his way of the white substance even after all this time… it was hard… for I was helping him. Before he sold his drugs we would always ask the person who was buying from him, 'Are you prepared for the responsibly of destroying lives…?'

Some backed down… others were heartless.

I am pretty sure the man knows about me injury. It's not like I try to hide it. I'm kind of proud of my scars. They represent something to me. They are momentums. Plus, he had sex with me constantly!

He never asked though. He only said that if there was anything I needed him for… if there was something I need to talk about… he would be there always. He was a good man… even if he was a bit scary when he was high. He was trying. I loved him for it. He was the only one I had.

Sure, even as I walked down this cracked and destroyed sidewalk I knew I would be safe, but that didn't stop the feeling of hate that filled me every minute. With him though, I could feel happy if just for a second… but I could also be afraid.

Madara wasn't meant to be a parent. He told me a while ago that you weren't fertile. He never though he would have to take that roll. So he didn't know what he was supposed to let me figure out on my own or guide me through it. He had his own problems. He tried though. Itachi was like the opposite of him I guess…

Itachi was always strict and proper. He taught me all my mannerisms when I was younger… while Madara passed out on the table in nothing but boxers and a t-shirt. If I wanted to go somewhere he would just nod and tell me to be safe, sometimes not even asking me where I am going. That was kind of a trust thing. He knew I wasn't a push over.

My brother on the other hand… I could imagine him now. 'Where are you going?!' 'You might get killed!' 'Oh you have a paper cut so you can't leave the house!'

It was a funny thought.

I gave a bit of a groan as my leg began to throb again, I would think my mind being somewhere else would help it. I was wrong. The pain was enjoyable at least. It made me less numb as I walked. I could smile a little bit…

Well I could until I saw my brother who looked as though sleep hated him. His hair a mess and bloodshot eyes darting wherever they could.

Oh goody… this was just FUCKIN LOVELY…

I need a damn drink…


End file.
